Hi there! It's been a while hasn't it?
I've sat down a few times to write, my hands poised mid air over the keyboard and then my mind goes blank. Shuts down. So frustrating. In fact, this post I am about to write has been heavy on my mind for days now but I've been struggling to pound the words out. So here I go (finally). I hope it makes sense.
When my husband sent me the listing for the farmhouse above, my heart swelled to about 3x it's size. I mean, really. Just look at it. Windows glowing warm in the sunset, white picket fence...all I can say is Anne of Green Gables. And if you are a fan of Anne Shirley you know exactly what I mean. This my friends, is what my dreams are made of.
After looking at it my heart was all sorts of heavy and aching. Longing to jump in the car immediately and go see it in person. (Don't worry - I'll share the listing with you guys this weekend) Frustrated because we need to figure out the whole income thing to be able to do anything about making these dreams come true. I've shared before what I envision for our future and being able to buy something that maintains a low overhead could possibly afford us the chance to abandon these corporate jobs as we know them and live on our own terms. In some ways, we are just dreaming the classic American Dream. But where do we start? How do you walk away from substantial careers? Some people just do it, throwing caution to the wind. I admire that. A lot. If I didn't have two kids still at home maybe I could too. But it's not only my life I'm gambling with. There are 4 lives involved in this endeavor.
So here I sit. Longing to make this, or something like this our reality. Frustrated as I try to sort out the how's and when's. Confused and tired of talking about the whole thing, viewing listing after listing, watching some of them disappear off the market, wondering when it will be our turn to see our dreams come true.
The only thing that can calm my frustrations when they surface are two beliefs: 1. I believe that God doesn't put a dream this strong in your heart unless he is going to bring it to pass. 2. His timing is perfect. While waiting for his timing is a struggle for a simple human such as myself, I do believe that when it is right it will supersede our wildest dreams. It will be right.
As I try to remain steadfast in these beliefs this phrase came to mind:
Bloom Where You're Planted
What if it's not in the cards for us to move from here? That thought horrified me at first, then I thought of all the reasons why we want to leave. There's a lot. Then I looked around me at this house that superseded my dreams for this family when I first looked at it 9 1/2 years ago and this is what I saw:
While it's not on multiple acres, there are miles and miles of memories that we have created inside. There are amazing people who cross our threshold regularly that I love and adore. Family, and friends who have become family. My life is richer because of them all.
I'm truly grateful for all I have and needed to remind myself that what I have is more than a cedar shake shell sitting on a suburban lot. I have life and love and need to remember to bloom where I'm planted.
For now, anyway.