Saturday, January 9, 2016


plans for the dream house we almost built once upon a time
I had a total meltdown in the shower this morning. It's actually a good place to have a meltdown. The running water easily masquerades the sobs and there is a certain level of privacy since it is pretty much guaranteed that no one will walk in while someone else is showering. I cried because I miss my husband so much. I cried because I am overwhelmed with the house not being sold yet and having to pay rent and a mortgage on a house I don't even want anymore. I cried because I miss having my creature comforts around me. I cried because it feels like we will never find our dream home here.

As the tears flowed openly and freely and I begged and pleaded with God for resolution to this whole situation, I remembered something that stopped my tears right in their tracks.

An old friend of mine has a daughter who is waiting for a double lung transplant. She has cystic fibrosis. She is also the same exact age as my son. In fact, her father and I were roommates when I started dating my first husband. He was dating a friend of mine and our first born arrived within a few weeks of each other.
I was standing there feeling sorry for myself. Crying because we are making our dreams come true and it just happens to be taking a little longer to fully come together than we thought it would. I know deep inside that we will be together, I will once again be surrounded by all my creature comforts and we will be living our dream. It seems overwhelming and frustrating now, but I only stand to gain in the end. What do I have to lose? Selling a house for maybe less than I originally thought? My friend doesn't know when her daughter will be able to get her transplant. She doesn't know what the future holds for her 21 year old daughter.
Then I remembered the conversation with the young woman who works for me who was telling me only yesterday how her mom has not been well enough to receive her chemotherapy.
Or how on Christmas Eve another young woman who works for me had her home flood in those awful Christmas storms. She lost most of her furniture and many possessions and here I am stressing over having to possibly rent furniture for $150.00 a month.
I thought about the people I know who are praying and wishing for a baby. The baby they have been praying and wishing for years now.
As I thought more and more about how trivial my problems are in comparison to what other people are facing I felt ashamed. I am living my dream. All the pieces are just taking a little bit longer to come together than I thought they would.

*I would appreciate it if you could all throw up some prayers for my friend's daughter. That the call comes soon for that transplant and everything goes smoothly. She has way too much life ahead of her. And prayers for anyone else who is suffering and struggling. There is way too much of it in the world.



  1. many prayers are sent. don't be too hard on yourself, we've all been there. gratitude is the ONLY way out of misery. at least in my experience. xo

  2. I agree with Janet. You were able to check yourself and climb out. That's the important part. You wouldn't even believe some of the pity parties I've thrown myself!